i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
