i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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