I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
