Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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