he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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