I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
