oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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