The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
