i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she pinky promised me she was 18
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
