so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
