I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
