Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
