I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
