I heard we made out
Nicole vs. Life
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
