I skipped work to stalk him.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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