Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
