I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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