I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
