The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
