What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The beer is more important than you right now.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
