I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
