Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Randomize
