Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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