everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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