got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
