I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
