last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
