i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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