thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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