This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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