I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
