I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
