I hate your face
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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