It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
