Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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