she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
