all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
