I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
