If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
