You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
