You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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