I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
