You can't motorboat a personality
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
