when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
