please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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