sorry about calling you the devil all night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
