so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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