Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
