I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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