Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
