Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
