I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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