i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
