I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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